Confessions of a petite bourgeoisie
so for the past few
years I have been employed in what you could call a petite bourgeoisie. No I am
not a small business owner, however I am lower to middle management so New
petty bourgeoisie. Now I won’t say who I work for, but it’s a telecom company,
and I oversee installations. Before that I was a supervisor at a call center
babysitting the proletariat for the bourgeoisie. And there’s a few things I’d
like to confess, but keep in mind, these are all based on my personal
experience:
1.
Our Job is actually very hard: Wait don’t go!
This isn’t that kind of article I swear. What I mean is there is a stereotype
of management as being lazy lumpards that do nothing all day long. Well that’s
only half true. Good employees are invaluable, but not half as invaluable as a
well organized team that knows what it’s doing. Here’s the problem: No one
does. Processes change at a whim or more often than not, there is no process,
or when there is it’s ignored. Remember this quote from Pirates of the
Caribbean? “the code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual
rules.” Well this is how corporations, at least the ones I’ve been at, have
been run for the most part. The rules that ARE enforced strictly…. They are
those rules that you don’t know why they’re there….. here’s a secret, neither
do we. Half of our job involves learning
new processes that make no sense, ostensibly make no difference and help nothing.
When we’re not beating our heads into a wall getting some problem employee to
do their job, we’re trying to make heads or tails of the rats nest of procedure.
2.
We don’t really like management as much as you
do: No really, all those changes we talked about about, normally come from
managementand every nonsensical illogical plan comes down from them. No one
consults the lower level employees about what should be done they just act
based on what they THINK should be. Worst of all they’re always calling for
reports we know they don’t look at.
3.
We’re really on your side, when management lets
us: look we really don’t want to be a dick, really we don’t. We really do care
about the employees and the customers. Small problem there are times when management
decides they want to tie our hands.
4.
Ego Then profits then people: big secret to the
corporate world? Ego matters most. It comes before profits and if you bruise a
big shots ego, kiss your chance at promotion good bye.and from the perspective
of management profits matter most, just not more than their ego. We in middle
management are constantly told to fear upper management and walk on egg shells
and obey without question the orders of the directors and we hate it,
especially since they’re not as smart as they think they are.
5.
It pays to treat people well: here’s the thing
the reason corporations don’t totally fuck over everyone, or at least their
customers is because it pays to treat people well, from customer loyalty to
word of mouth advertising. Too bad no body told that to management. There are
decisions and directives that come down from the director level to keep
inventory safe from a 0.00001% chance event or save 0.000001% of total costs
for a budget that create havoc for the workforce and headaches for the
customer. Now obviously those numbers are exaggerations as I don’t know the
exact numbers but trust me they aren’t far off. Point is they create more
hassle than their worth. But the director has to prove his usefulness. Too bad
when they present their findings they leave out the part where the NPS scores
just dipped double digit percentages… and seriously who thought it was a good
idea to hold shipping the customers equipment until the VERY end? Those shipments are never on time…
6.
The squeaky wheel gets the oil: through both of
my jobs I’ve learned one thing, and that is that the squeaky wheel gets the
oil. No matter how much we want to help every customer it’s the one that
complains the loudest gets the most attention. Yes this is annoying. No, it isn’t
fair. Yes, we hate these assholes as much as you do. But it works… why? Because
we have our plates full enough as is and at times we have to choose our battles
and if we have to choose we’ll choose to get rid of the screaming pain in our
ass first.
7.
Push push push: We are pushy assholes, maybe not
by nature, we are told and trained to be.
We can even face disciplinary action if we’re not. And those are the
exact words used “pushy” we are constantly told to push our employees at every
opportunity like they don’t think everyones doing their job…. Which actually
often the case. Don’t get me wrong, I’m on the side of the proletariat but
jesus if there aren’t a few of the peons that deserve the label “peon”. Oh by
the way, there’s two types of lazy peons, the kind that are smart and coasting
by, and the stupid lazy ones. Both find excuses one is better at it, and they
get promoted to director level.
8.
Not everything is about the bottom line, Can
someone please tell that to management: yes companies need to make money, but I’ve
seen customers threatened with a $50,000 cancellation fee if they canceled an
order. No one batted an eye to this. It was only after that sales rep was
caught stealing office supplies that he got fired…. Threats? Cool so long as
they’re for more money. Stealing? That’s bad. If you’re thinking that sounds ridiculous
and totally counterproductive … well it is.
9.
Inside joke? Logic: yes in every management job I’ve
had using logic is an inside joke. “oh we can’t do that, that would make
fucking sense” is a phrase , an exact phrase that gets said around the
workplace a lot. All those stupid illogical process changes yeah, we know how
stupid they are you can quit telling us “this is stupid” because we know they’re
stupid, we know that nothing that would make sense is actually going to pass
muster with management…. Because management doesn’t listen. Upper management
lives in their own world. And we’re told to trust them, because like god “upper
management works in mysterious ways”. Well none of us actually believe that but
upper management does. Part of it is their ego, and part of it is they have to
justify their existence and pay check. Which if any of them got down in the
trenches with us they might actually could do. But that is way above upper management’s
pay grade.
10.
Good Management is invaluable, and rare: There are
a handful of people in upper management who to a point “get it” these people
are excessively invaluable. I would say to the degree that without these
handful of heroes most American corporations, would go under. At least from the
perspective of the few places I have worked. They still don’t get down in the
trenches, but they’re open to actually listening to middle management. They
still have egos, but they’ll let yours in the room with them. These people are
not people you can afford to let go of. They make life better for me, they make
life better for workers, and they make life better for the customers…. And truth
be told they are essential to the lives of share holders.
11.
Ass kissing Vs Getting the job done:
Unfortunately as I stated, such directors are RARE. And if you aren’t adept at
kissing their ass, you will go no where. Take my co worker … I’ll call her Mrs.
T for now. Mrs. T taught me more than anyone else in the company about how to
do my job. She has 5 times the experience of any of us. And she has the same
title as me. When opportunities for advancement came up guess who got the
promotion? Some other ass kisser with less experience and knowledge. So kiss
ass, make lists of friends and enemies (just like the Clintons) …. That’s how
you actually get promoted.
12.
We aren’t all rich: Fact of the matter is, if
you are one step removed from the proletariat you get paid like the
proletariat, why because we’re expendable. We can be tossed aside and replaced….
Sort of.
13.
We don’t know what we’re doing: I was thrown
into my current position after a 1 week “training class”…. Note that when I worked
as a call center trainer there were programs for phone agents that lasted
longer than a week. I’ll help you with that math there, yes middle management
is undertrained and those people like Mrs. T help keep things afloat… or will
until they get tired of being passed
over and leave…. At which point…. Good luck, and may god have mercy on your souls.
14.
Middle Management’s natural Enemy: I’ve spent a
long time talking about the problems associated with upper management, but
truth be told our constant battle, our mortal enemy? Is sales. Sales teams lie.
Sales teams are lazy. Sales teams promise things we can’t deliver and then bolt
the instant the contract is signed. The problems from sales are not complicated
but they add considerably to the difficulty of our job, and to the customer and
employee headaches. They are also undertrained.
15.
Back to politics, the team comes first: yes the
team comes first, supervisors all over the world will protect their team like
rabid den mothers. Always trying to divert blame like some kind of weird ping
pong game between teams. Teams are like mini families, even teams that have to
work together can sometimes have Hatfield and McCoy like feuds. It’s counter
productive and does lead to workplace stress. But the sales teams deserve it.
16.
Apparently we’re too expensive: hiring new
middle management is a hastle and not one upper management likes. Even with
just a week training they aren’t willing to fork out the extra dough … even if
that means overloading the ones they have.
And there you have it. Just a few
of my confessions and observations. I hope this has been eye opening. Remember folks,
you can’t use logic, kiss ass, grease the squeaky wheel and did I mention kiss
ass?
